About us.

It isn't easy at all for us to get through this battle of 1.5 years (approx). We started perfectly beautifully. He's the one that I wanted, I was the one he wanted. He gave up his scholarship for the sake of our relationship. There were a lot of cryings involved. A lot of anxieties, as well as a lot of fear. Each night before we slept, we did our prayers so that everything would go smoothly for us. I didn't want to have any LDR anymore, I told myself because it wouldn't work out for me. Been there done that. So he fulfilled that wish of mine. That's at the brink of time before each of us went back to our own hometowns for holiday. Fuck I really didn't want to leave by that time, and neither did he. We did a lot of traveling before that. To Malaka (that's my first time to explore Malaka thoroughly). To Genting (I never enjoyed Genting that way before!). Those are our salad days. At the day when he sent me off to the airport, we hugged in front of our friends (which then resulted in some stale gossips that de-brand me). I didn't care about that, for I feared that it might be my last chance of seeing him (if he really moved to Singapore after that). We were both in fear.

I missed him every single second when I was having my holiday in Indo, then suddenly there's an offer from my parents for me to go to Jakarta. That could be my most exciting time of the year ever! I was sooooooooooo ecstatic. I was soooooo nervous. I was soooooooooooooooo damned excited. On the pre-departure day I couldn't sleep at all. I already had in mind what he would look like and how he would smile at me at the gate. What was his car like? What was his hometown like? What was his family like? What was his friend like? You know, all those sorts of questions. As I saw him there, I really felt like hugging him rightaway, but wait I could not! My aunt was there with me. Shoot. Then we went to his car and he drove me to eat and stuffs. Before he dropped me at my relative's house, he handed me his own-made itinerary for me. I was like... aaaaaaaaa :DDDDDD I couldn't believe he made such effort to arrange everything up to that details for me. There was introduction of each place that I should visit and he demanded me to give grade to each place that he brought me too (which I filled in wrongly hah!)

That 10-day of vacation was a sweet one. I was taken to so many places that I'd not known of and I should know. By the time he sent me off to the airport again, I didn't feel as sad anymore because by that time I already knew for sure that his scholarship had been canceled and we both were going back to Malaysia in 3 days. :D Nevertheless we still did all the hugging and stuffs.

As we came back to Malaysia, we still had that sweet kind of relationship. He bought me dinner and watched me fall soundly asleep. He covered me with blanket and typed romantic notes on the cellphones as I was sleeping (so that when I woke up there's a surprise). I also always found him caressing my face when I slept (or pretended to be asleep :P) To cut it short, he's always there for me any second I needed him.

After few months, things started to get sour. I don't know what started it, there's no third party, but things just really turned sour. We both fought really a lot, even over the smallest little thing. Many times I asked myself whether I should just call it off or not, but in the end I always ended up crying and said no. For an entire year, things have been juggly for us. It started from the smallest little thing until the department of "Third Party" came in (or at least that's how I called it). I never imagined such thing could happen to me, I thought it's only in the movie. But it did. It did happen. Many things hurt me along the way when that third party was there. (note: this might be my term only to call that as third party. because that's just how I honestly felt about it) For few months I lived in this slum suspecting and prejudging. Until one day I decided to call that off and lived on my own instead, because that's not important for me to get through, and there's no value if I was to continue such relationship. I was already trying to set up some strategies to free myself; whether not to think about it totally or pretended that there was nothing ever happened. I went for the first one.

I turned into a cold bitch for few weeks. I strategized how to cold myself down and not to love anymore. Each time I listened to love songs, I condemned them. How in the earth could such thing happen such as holding hands together and stayed loving and be loved forever ever after all those bull? Bleh! We still fought a lot, only this time in a better way, in a much more diplomatic way.

Slowly things just started to get better. I was still cold, but not as cold. I told myself to give more chances to this, without knowing why. What I knew is just I could win in this battle, I could still gain love in the end. And even if I couldn't, I would end perfectly well, not in hatred or anything.

Things really did get better. We didn't even fight anymore. There was time when I was such a sensitive bitch, but he consoled me down. Lately I've been loved like never before. I was hugged even more than before. He understands who I don't like. He tried to understand me and my feeling. It's just.. cool! Not perfecto yet though, sad to say.

But oh well, things are getting better, that's all I need to say and I wish that someday my heart will be totally opened to love all over again...