chemistry?

Heya.. back again. The clock shows 2 am and I'm nowhere closed to getting asleep. I have things to submit this coming wednesday and I'm only done with mindmapping. Holyshit. But i really can't be bothered much though.

Anyway. Just wanna share a thought. Last week when I sat to have a chat with a friend, she suddenly threw me a sentence "I feel lonely eventhough I always have many friends going in and out". I perfectly understand that feeling, 'coz not only I've heard about it or seen it, but also have experienced it for most of the time in my life.

For people who've really known what I'm like, they will know how countable the number of friends I have. And to be those persons on the list is very damned difficult. I have a heart and mind which are difficult to be penetrated, be it by strangers or by people who see me every day. In this case, I do believe in the rules of chemistry.

I often find in my life, that there are only a few of people who can see me giggle or chuckle or cry because I don't do it to many people. Ashamed? No. Holding back? Yes. Why? Cause I'm just not comfortable having people around me seeing me doing stuffs like that, afraid of judgment perhaps. But as I went through the thought of "afraid of judgment", apparently it's not what that matters me. Because I'm really holding on to this point, "Eveyrone is born equal. What's the point of afraid of judgment?" Then what is it?

I really don't know. Perhaps I'm a spoilt kiddo who always expect a pat on the shoulder or just any reaction from other people while not all people can give me the same response. Perhaps that's the correct answer. LOL.

Just for those who don't know, I'm a very spoilt person. I like to cuddle. I like to hug. I like to kiss. I like to just be around somebody. I like to share. I like to laugh out loud. I like to cry out loud as well. But only with those I'm really close with. Outside of the list of "those people i'm really close with", never expect me to act so. I'm keeping my cool. Bahahaha. Nah, j/k. But that's me. I really won't bother much if you're not close to me.

The types of people whom I can really get along with are mostly crazy (in the sense of favorable of laughing), caring, intuitive, sympathetic, not forcing, empathic, listener, advisor, fun, easygoing, not selfish, outgoing, relaxed, not kiasu, freethinker (not in the sense of religion), warm, honest, trustworthy, weird. All those adjectives exist in those who I'm close with.

I'm really grateful that I've found those people. I believe chemistry did work somewhere along the way. I found this great learning after I came back from my holiday in Indonesia. Thanks, folks :)

You know who you are... i love you all.